By Solomon OKPO
Each year, the calendar gasps with delight as it approaches June 9, a date now canonized in the Book of Nigerian Political Saints. For it is the holy birthday of Her Ever-Gracious Excellency, Dr. Mrs. Ekaette Unoma Godswill Akpabio, First Lady Emeritus, Matriarch of Divine Reconciliations, and the unacknowledged Patron Saint of Political Peace in Akwa Ibom.
To her followers (and yes, the number rivals those of certain religious sects), June 9 is not merely a birthday, it is an annual reminder that divine feminine energy resides not in heaven, but in Essien Udim, married to the Senate President, and capable of mending decades-long political feuds with just a nod, a photo, and a hymn.
This year, however, the date transcends even its usual reverence. For just three days prior, on June 6 (mark it, scribes!), a miracle occurred. Political gladiators, once at each other’s throats, were suddenly hugging and high-fiving in a spiritual display of unity that can only be described as “heavenly choreography.” Some say the Holy Ghost descended; others claim the PDP and APC accidentally entered the same WhatsApp group. But the truth is far more divine, Unoma saw it coming in a photograph.
Yes, dear reader, sometime before the 2023 elections, three political musketeers, Akpabio, Umanah, and Nsima, accidentally took a group selfie. The photo never went public, because heaven must guard its secrets. But the image was revealed to one blessed mortal, yours truly, in a private viewing session more solemn than any Vatican conclave. Her Excellency asked, “What do you see?” And lo, I saw brothers sewn together in love (she used that exact phrase, not I).
Like a prophet interpreting dreams, I spoke of unity, and she nodded like a bobblehead at a Pentecostal crusade. Her passion was intense. Her faith unshaken. Her WiFi, strong.
Days later, I was spiritually whipped with a follow-up SMS. “Where is the article?” she asked — a divine nudge that made Moses’ burning bush look like a matchstick. When I finally published, she sent a message of commendation, and I was elevated into the class of Apostles of Unity (Associate Member).
And then came June 6, 2025, the manifestation of prophecy. At an event designed to surprise even skeptics, she stood, took the mic, and broke into song:
“This is the day the Lord has made…”
She did not just sing. She sang, with a voice deep enough to silence political rancor and make angels request backup vocals.
In a world plagued by fake news, banana peels in party primaries, and anonymous trolls with vendettas, this June 9 is different. It is the day Unity kissed Forgiveness, and Love sent Malice packing to the opposition camp.
Now, the streets of Akwa Ibom are lined not with potholes, but petals of brotherhood. Twitter fights have given way to peace treaties. And for the first time in decades, political WhatsApp groups are no longer muted.
So, as we wish Her Excellency a happy birthday, we do so not just with cakes and banners, but with a symbolic olive branch from every quarrelsome politician now miraculously converted. After all, a united Akwa Ibom is her birthday gift, one wrapped not in ribbon, but in resignation letters to chaos.
Congratulations, Saint Unoma.
Your birthday is now a public holiday in the Republic of Harmony.
